December Begins

December hit like a whirlwind! So busy and so much going on, which is pretty typical of this time of year. I was trying to work as much as possible at the youth center so that we could have extra money for the holidays, so I was working 20 hours a week or more. It made life a little bit hectic! Jon would leave for work early, and then be home by mid afternoon so that I could go, and then he would often have more work to do in the evenings once I got home. It works, but it sure stretches us thin! If I continue to pick up this many shifts we may need to look into childcare of some sort. Working lots was good though, it kept me distracted and busy. Also, Q used this time to grow leaps and bounds again. When she turned 2 in the summer, she was still wearing size 24 months clothing and was just starting to fit size 2. Now we are pretty much totally out of size 2 and wearing size 3 - she grew a whole size in that short amount of time! She is SO tall and talking like crazy in sentences. People often think she is older than 3 (her super curly long hair also makes her look older). It is so amazing to watch her grow, but also sad. I want to cheer for her loudly and weep all at the same time haha! Her funny sense of humour has also just continued to develop. She is SUPER hilarious and shocks me with the funny things she says. 

Cuddles on day after nap time - this picture weirded me out because the baby has a neck thats turned and is also looking at the camera haha

Minute to Win It night at church! The youth loved all the prizes that night and Quinny loves being a part of the action

I can't remember what was happening here, but the picture made me laugh. Q is always trying to make Ady hug her and Ady is always fending her off haha! These two are the best. Also one night in December Mary and I went out Christmas shopping together. It was the best! We were so productive and had tons of fun shopping together. She's a good shopping buddy because we know each other's families so well so we could help the other one out. Then we went for dinner and talked - it was the first time I had really talked to anyone face to face about the miscarriage. It's a touchy subject and I feel as though most people are afraid to mention it, and I never bring it up because I don't want to bring anyone down. So my friends and family just kind of tip toe around it (except for Jon of course 0 him and I had very open and honest conversations about it all and we communicated well and processed together). But Mary knew that I was feeling quite isolated and hurting, and I appreciated her showing up for me, and asking about the hard stuff, even though it made her uncomfortable. Real friendship!

I signed up for the Disney Movie Club back in september and Jon was certain that I got scammed and that it wasn't a real thing. It only took 3 months (things got a little mixed up because of our move), but I finally received my first order! All of these 7 movies and a huge Olaf blanket for $30.45! WOW! Toy Story was for Lisa, and the rest got wrapped up as presents for Q!

Last Christmas Jenna had given us a gift certificate to the theatre that we were saving for the Christmas show, because that one is always my favorite. So finally used it and went to see Elf the Musical. I love the Chemainus theatre, its always so good. Thank you Jenna! We went for dinner ahead of time but we wanted pizza and the pizza place in town doesn't have tables to sit at - so we ordered and then went to the beach and sat in our car and ate haha! Reminded me of when we were college.

We also saw Santa that night - Chemainus was having a Moonlight Madness so we walked around a bit before the show started. Michael our relator convinced us to come in and see Santa - too funny!! I didn't even take Q to see Santa this year. It was a good night out!

One night when I was working Nate came down and hung out with Jon and Quinny for a while. Apparently they watched Frozen and Nate sang and danced with her to Let it Go haha!

Potty training girl! I can't remember if I have written anything about potty training, but its been soon easy! My plan was to make a big push for potty training in the new year - Q had different plans. She started going into the bathroom and taking off her clothes and peeing by herself. Or she would yell at me "COME MOM! POTTY TIME!" and we would run to the bathroom. It amazed me that she took all of the initiative and did this on her own without my prompting. So once it was pretty clear that wanted to be potty trained and was clearly ready, I jumped on board! We got her big girl undies and encouraged her to go all the time. There's been a lot of talk about the "potty treat" thing - I have not done that with her. A big discussion that Jon and I have when it comes to Quinnlyn is her relationship with food. We want it to be a positive relationship and we want to encourage healthy eating habits. We have seen with both sides of our families how food can cause so many issues. We fail at this and we aren't perfect, but it is a very important thing to us. So we decided against giving treats as "rewards". I have also seen kids who have been potty trained for months still asking for treats after they go, and I was worried about how to break that habit. Also, sometimes she goes 5-10 times a day - I am not okay with her having that many treats in a day. Or what happens if she starts going into the bathroom but not peeing, yet saying that she did, just so that she can get a treat? I just felt like this wasn't the right route for us, even though it is seen as the normal route. That may seem harsh to some of you, but its what works for us. We give her A LOT of praise and TONS of encouragement and claps, and theres a lot of dancing around. We celebrate it and help her know that she is doing something awesome and to keep up the good work, and she responds so well to that. It makes her giggle and makes her want to keep on using the potty. And food never enters into the conversation, which is the whole point for us. All that to say, she is doing amazing with potty training and pretty much went from diapers one day to big girl undies the next day, literally. I find that accidents happen most when we are somewhere new, and she is excited and just forgets. We can work on that! We may even give her treats when we are out, like at Nannie and Papa's, to encourage her to keep using the potty when we are out. But her accidents are home are very rare, right from the beginning!

Making a gingerbread house! You will notice that she has no clothes on. She refuses to wear clothes at home. She strips them off when she sleeps, nap time or bedtime, no pjs, and she will pull her clothes off at home while she's playing. She's just happier naked haha.

It came pre-assmebled which made it soon easy - I will never again buy one that isn't pre assembled! haha! We had a lot of fun decorating it. I would put the icing one and she would put the candies that she wanted up.

We had a ton of heavy rain - this was wildside the one day when Jon went to camp. Water up to the fire pit!! That is insane!

Helping to cook - she is such a little helper. She pulls my kitchen chairs around to where she wants to go and helps with whatever we are doing.

Family movie night watching The Grinch! She loved it! She even laughed at parts. Its both mine and Jon's favorite Christmas movie, so it was awesome to introduce it to her! And kettle corn popcorn of course! I love that she holds my hand all the time.

Henrik came to join the party and she pet him while she watched. I love that these two are best friends

Park Time!

Lovely Cheri bought this for me and had it mailed to my house. I was SO touched by the thoughtful gift!!! Jon and I every single night in December would make a cup of tea together from this box and watch Scandal. Most were really good, only one we didn't love! But yum!!

And I would take this to work with me with a hot drink in it. This pretty cup was from Alli. She dropped off the most thoughtful gift package for us, just to tell us that she was sorry for our loss and loved us. SO THOUGHTFUL! Jon got chocolate, Q got play doh and new water painting book, and I got flowers and this! Love it! I have such great friends.

Look at those neon pink nails. She picked the color and I cringed but she loved them! haha!

We run to the park when the rain stops and the sun is out!

Selfie that she took of herself. She even switches the camera to black and white on her own haha. Look at that nose and those lashes. She's gorgeous

She then flipped the camera around and took one of me. I was impressed with how straight on the picture was haha. She is getting better at taking them! (and no I don't wear fake lashes, as someone asked. I can't be bothered with all that haha. Just mascara for me)

Playing outside with Dad. He takes her to the sidewalk and then runs down about ten feet and tells her to go, and she flies down the hill and he stops her and then they keep going all the way down. She loves it. Love our neighbourhood!

Getting her own hair ready for the day....

Showing off her big girl underwear and trying to get her shirt off to haha

This was the best. I made her a warm vanilla milk and I saw her doing this, as she was chatting away. When I asked her what she was doing, she said "I working like my daddy" haha!! Apparently Jon drinks coffee and talks on the phone for work!

Beach exploring with Dad!

We babysat Jake for a weekend!! So nice to have him back!!! He was excited to see us all, which was so nice! Q was very happy to see him!

Just finished swimming, and went to DQ waiting for me to get off work at 830!

Paw Patrol has become a hit in our house lately - she really likes it. Paw Patrol and anything with a princess haha. At least she is well rounded!

With Jon and Andrew and Ady watching Eston play basketball!

I made that! At Mom's Morning Out. I was pretty proud haha. Also isn't my front door so lovely?! I love it!! Its beautiful

She is totally naked here, and she put her boots and backpack on and called out "Bye mom! I'm going to work!" and tried to leave the house. Good thing she can't unlock the door haha!

Morning smoothies, our favorite breakfast!

Play-Doh is one of her favorite things to play these day. She cuts and rolls and then takes it to her kitchen and makes "cookies" haha

 Lisa babysat for us one night and we went out for dinner. I stole this from her instagram because it was so cute. These two love each other so much

On the 19th we went down to Victoria and went out for dinner with Jon's siblings for my birthday. It was nice to spend time with them, we hadn't seen them really at all in Nov or Dec so far! Lots of laughs and lots of noise, which was good for the kids. Nice and easy and together, which is exactly what I wanted for my birthday. The next morning Q gave me this - a cute card and a gift certificate to get a pedicure - he had even arranged it with Mary so her and I were going together and it was already booked! Yes! Thank you Quinny! You are such a sweet daughter.

Normal

The Friday after our miscarriage (November 27th), Jon decided that we should go out and get our Christmas Tree. He knows how much I love decorating the tree and usually I am the one pushing everyone out the door to get the tree as early as possible! I think he knew that I didn't have the energy or the drive to make it happen, but knew that doing it would bring me joy, so he literally bundled both Q and I up and ushered us out the door. I was glad he did, it was a good distraction and fun to do something "normal". As the minutes, days, went by I kept telling myself that doing "normal" things is good. That I need to get up, and show up, even if I feel like hiding. In this time, when it was so fresh, people would ask me "how are you doing?" and my response would be "I'm okay. It comes in waves". Which was true, in some ways - I would do "normal" things and there were moments that felt harder than others - but for the most part, the most honest answer was that it didn't come in waves. It was constant. As I look back on these pictures from two months ago that I am finally getting around to putting up, I am reminded of how constant it was. This was a really fun evening with my family, walking around the Christmas Tree Farm. I am so glad that Jon got us out do to this. Q loved it too, picking out trees that she wanted us to pick and happily running through the rows. But it took all of my focus and all of my energy to be present, to be there with them and enjoy it. Forcing your mind to stay sharp, to stay present, that isn't normal and that isn't waves. That is trying to not be consumed by the constant grief. I love Jon for taking the reigns and taking care of our family and gently leading me down the path of "normal". 

After much debate, we picked one! Jon and I have different opinions on what makes the perfect tree, and every year we disagree haha! But always, one will jump out at us finally and we will both agree. 

Q thought this whole process was quite awesome and she was right in there when Jon was cutting it down. What a cutie she is.

Love love love love them.

Cute toque that Ben's parents gave Q when we were in Grand Forks! 

Walking back towards the car

So the tree was huge. Bigger than we thought! I always pick giant trees and Jon talks me down and picks smaller ones. When he picked this one, I eagerly agreed because it was so beautiful, but still thought it would be "too small". Well, we have 10 ft ceilings in our house, and this tree was not that far from the roof. A solid 8 1/2 or 9 ft tree haha! It was big. And so perfectly shaped! This was the best tree we have ever picked out.

Setting up her very own nativity set. She would pull each piece out and ask me who they were and then repeat it "oh! This Mary! Oh! This Joseph! YAY! Baby Jesus!" Pretty cute. She arranged it exactly how she wanted it.

First ornament on the tree - a Canucks one. She picked it, and Jon was so proud haha. Watching her hang ornaments was the best. Im known for being a little insane about Tree decorating... both my brother and Jon have complained in the past that I "rearrange" the ornaments they have hung. I stand by the fact that I don't always do that, I just move the ones that aren't hanging well. But this year, I loved having a tree that had tons of ornaments near the bottom where she could reach, and not having them necessarily evenly spread out. It made me laugh seeing her hang them, how carefully she would do it and how she would pick a spot so precisely. She really is my daughter and my mini me. Yikes.

And the star! Always Jon's job!

Grocery shopping - she has to have her own cart and pushes it around and I have to put stuff in her cart. And I have to watch her like a hawk or else she also adds things to her cart. "Oh! We need this! I buy this and take it home" as she adding the most random things to the cart haha.

That Sunday we went to Disney Frozen on Ice in Vancouver. Neil bought Q tickets as a Christmas present and we knew she would love it! I wasn't feeling totally into it, and was, if I'm being honest, wishing we weren't going because all I wanted was to stay home. But we knew she would love it, so I shoved down my negative feelings, and kept moving forward with being normal. It was again the exact right thing to do. We had a great day together as a family.

Waiting for the doors to open! She was so pumped, wearing her Elsa dress and vibrating with excitement! Its hard to be negative when you see a small person so happy! All my anxieties melted away and I got caught up in her excitement.

Makenna was there with Care and Care's family, so the cousins got a brief hug before we headed in to our separate seats! Q was so excited to see Makenna, she squealed and ran right to her and Makenna picked her right up. Too cute!

Everything at the Merchandise booths were WAY to expensive! Neither Jon or I were willing to put out $30 or more for things she doesn't need, she already has so much Frozen everything! Then the sno-cone booth caught my eye - $15 sno-cones (what?! still the most expensive son-cone I've ever seen!!!) but they came in these cute cups that she could keep. So I caved and bought her that, and she was VERY pleased about it! And since then she has (and still continues too) use the cup a lot, so it was all good.

She was SO entranced the entire time, and sat so good in her seat!!!! We knew she would love it, but this was more than love. She was so into it the entire time! And the show was super well done, so it had both Jon and I engaged the whole time as well. Quinnlyn never ceases to amaze me in these types of situations. She is just so good and so easy to take places. It was fun to see her joy! Thank you Grandpa Neil for such a great present! She sure loved it. And so did Jon and I. It was a great day.