Goodbye, Jake

Over the summer, Jon and I spent time talking about the possibility of finding Jake a new home. He has such high anxiety for a dog, and you could see the stress of our busy life taking its toll on him, and I felt so awful. He is also such a loving, needy dog, and we just don't have the time right now in life to give him the training and affection that he deserves. It also was getting harder and harder to find places for him to stay when we would go away, and we are finding that we go away often.  But everytime it came up, I would shut the conversation down, because the thought of giving him away tore at my heart and I didn't want to talk about it. So I started praying instead. If we gave him away, I wanted it to be to a family who would be home lots and have the time for him to pour out the love that he needs, has young kids, and also had a big backyard for him to play in. I was not going to just give him away to anybody, it had to be someone we knew because we wanted to ensure that he would be well loved. This past week I started talking to Ashley Loewen about it. They just moved into their own home here in Chemainus (they actually moved into Dana and Kevin's old house!) and the backyard is huge. Ashley is homeschooling Reuben this year, so they will be home all the time, and they were eager for an older dog who is great with kids. That is Jake for sure! He is so gentle and kind, and incredibly patient with kids. He needs to be with a family who has kids! I went there one day this week so that our kids could play, and Ashley and I could talk it all out. Q and Alistair are one year apart, and play well together! So cute, with their matching curly heads of hair!

Ashley and I talked a lot, and I cried a lot. I couldn't believe we were talking about possibly giving up our dog. He has been a part of our family since the beginning. We got him just one month after getting married - we've never been a family without him, and he is very much a part of our family. But his loving heart needs a family who can give him more time and be around more often for him. So Ashley and I decided to do a "two week trial period" where they will have him for two full weeks, and at the end of it we will talk again and see if its a good fit for them, and see if we can even handle being without him. If either of us changes our mind, then he comes back home to us. If its a good fit and he's happy there, he will stay with them. I cried pretty much all day yesterday in preparation for dropping him off last night. I love this dog so much, and he has brought me so much joy and protection over the past six years. Him and I have done a lot together. But, he needs better than me, and if this family can be that for him, he deserves for me to let him go. But my selfish heart just aches and wants him back. I need to keep reminding myself that its not about me and what I want, but that I need do what is best for him, and this might be what is best.

I tried to explain to Quinny a few times yesterday that Jake was going to go to a new home for a little while, and she listened while I talked, and she even gave him hugs and said goodbye to him

Aren't they SO cute together?! He is so good with her. This is the hardest, knowing how much Q loves both of our pets, and how having the pets has made her soft hearted. I feel so sad taking that away from her. She will surely miss him!

Despite me trying to explain, when we dropped him off last night and visited a while and then left, as we were going to the car Q was yelling "Jake come! Going home! Come, Jake!" and I just totally broke down. She did not understand at all why our dog wasn't coming with us to go home and why we were just leaving him. I could hear him pacing around at the door inside, also not understanding why he was being left behind. I am pretty sure that in that moment a piece of my heart broke off that I will never get back. So today is the first day in the two week trial. It's quiet without him. His little paws walking around made a lot of noise that were such background noise we stopped hearing it, but now that its not there, it seems so quiet. Q has asked us a few times "wheres Jake?" and we just explain that he is with Alistair and Rueben and their parents for a little while. I just feel sad thinking that Jake must think we are just abandoning him and that we don't love him, when really its the total opposite. So heart breaking! The next two weeks will be very telling. We shall see!